


Young and Beautiful

by rachel6141997



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Last Christmas spoilers, Songfic, post Last Christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 13:24:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3121775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachel6141997/pseuds/rachel6141997
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Song fic based off of Lana Del Rey's "Young and Beautiful"<br/>Clara/Twelve<br/>Loosely inspired by Darcy Evan's "Young and Beautiful" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2Q97xHs-NE)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Young and Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> So Last Christmas half-killed me at the end.  
> But we shall survive, for another season :)
> 
> In the meantime, I wrote this after a ridiculous amount of time spent surfing tumblr and youtube...

_I’ve seen the world, done it all…_

 

Two thousand years and more, wandering the universe. He was tired, so tired.

She’d always wanted to travel. Kept her scrapbook, dreaming of visiting far-off places. Meeting him was like a dream she’d ever even dared to imagine made real before her very eyes.

Watching her watch the universe reminded him how he had felt, so long ago. It was like looking into the Time Vortex for that first time- seeing all that was, all that is, all that ever could be- for so long, all he had seen was the horrors. But she made him see the wonders again, reminding him why he fought so hard to save them.

 

***

 

_When you and I were forever wild  
The crazy days, city lights_

 

But no good things could last forever. Not even this.

When he changed, he trusted her.

When he changed, she failed him.

 

***

 

_Will you still love me, when I’m no longer young and beautiful?_

 

“You look at me, and you can’t even see me. Do you know what that’s like?”

“He trusted you.”

“Alone. I’m so alone.”

“He’s old.”

“Please. _Please._ Just see me.”

“The young man disappeared, the veil lifted.”

“Am I home?” “If you want to be.”

“Are you judging  him?” “How _dare_ you?”

“I don't think I know who you are any more.”

“I think you might be scared. And however scared you are, Clara, the man you are with right now, the man I hope you are with, believe me, he is more scared than anything you can imagine right now and he, he needs you.”

“Thank you.”

 

***

 

_I know you will._

 

The first face this face saw. And when she looked at him, and truly saw him, she anchored him.

A good man. The best man. He was still her Doctor, still the man who made her feel special.

 

_***_

_  
The way you'd play with me like a child_

 

“I’m not your boyfriend Clara.”

She had never thought he was. But somehow it still hurt, to hear him close her off in that way.

Who was the first to lie, her or him?

He’d meant to spare her. But he hadn’t expected how much it would hurt, to see her replace him.

“I love _you_.”

The words hurt.

“I’ve found Gallifrey.”

“Me and Danny, we are going to be fine.”

She’d be better off. With PE. Without him.

He’d be better off. In Gallifrey, with his family- his granddaughter- his people. Better off, not knowing  how lost she was.

 

***

 

_Dear lord, when I get to heaven_   
_Please let me bring my man_   
_When he comes tell me that you'll let him in_   
_Father tell me if you can_

 

She dreamed he came back.

He dreamed he came back.

When he saw her age, heard her voice, calm and forgiving as it delivered words like death to his ears-

When she woke up, when she knew, suddenly, of the years that passed, when she heard that beloved voice for the first time in 62 years-

How cruel an irony, to regain her and lose her again in the same instant.

Oh, how she regretted the loss of time. Funny thing, for an ex-time traveler, but she was out of time.

Why couldn’t they be together?

 

_Will you still love me, when I’m no longer young and beautiful?_

“Can you really see no difference in me?”

Oh, but he knew what she really asked.

“Clara Oswald, you will never look any different to me.”

Oh, but she knew what he really meant.

 

***

 

_I know you will. I know you will._

 

Regrets, so many regrets.

She couldn’t even open a Christmas cracker. He had to help her, as she had helped him, a year ago. A lifetime ago.

“He was impossible.”

The words floated in the air between them, laden with what could have been.

He pulled the cracker, his hand warm on hers. His eyes so sad, filled with everything he couldn’t say. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry. I was stupid. I should have come back earlier. I wish that I had.”

She wished he had too.

 

***

 

_Will you still love me, when I got nothing but my aching soul?_

 

When they realized they were dreaming-

When they woke up, truthfully this time-

When she asked if she was young, when he didn’t know, when she still had all her years ahead of her-

When he held out his hands, half plea and half command-

“So, all of time and all of space is sitting out there. A big blue box. Please, don't even argue.”

He offered all he ever had. His only youth the birth of the stars. His only beauty the wonders of a universe.  His life and his dreams, until all that remained was-

She offered him all she ever had. Her years and her time, till her youth passed and her beauty withered and all that remained was-

Their souls, aching with the beauty of loneliness and fragile as glass.

“Doctor,” she breathed, at the end of her life, as he clutched her hands. “My Doctor.”

“Clara,”he replied, wishing he could hold her in place, but knowing he had to let her go. “My Clara.”

“I love you.”

 

 ***

 

_I know you will._


End file.
